Note to Self
October 2, 2009
- Walking solo is not as fun as walking with someone.
- You notice muscles screaming at you more.
- You also notice parts of your body jiggling that probably shouldn’t jiggle.
- However, somehow you walk faster.
- It may be because you are a-skeered of this scenario (read #3) playing out.
- Figure out how people walk or run while carrying essential items.
- Walking with your phone in one hand and your keys in the other is easy enough, especially since one key is positioned to be a weapon if necessary.
- Where do you hit the person anyway? In the eye? That’s just gross. But probably highly effective.
- But how do you carry an iPod too?
- Oh no. Do you have to wear a fanny pack?!
- If that’s the case, cease walking immediately. Weight gain is of no concern if you have to wear a fanny pack.
- Well, weight gain may be of no concern, but a Jell-O Jiggler reminding you of your thighs is.
- You have a nice coupon to Ulta.
- You have resisted entering that store, for fear that you would never leave.
- But it’s a nice coupon.
- And you have other coupons for products they carry.
- And you do need new mascara.
- And something for those crow’s feet.
- And laugh lines.
- And forehead wrinkles.
- Walking does not fix those things.
- Walking makes you feel entitled to eating pizza for dinner, though.
- And a Coke slushee thing. Maybe. If you share it.
- Ugh. Sharing food.
- It’s okay. If you get pizza and a Coke slushee thing at Sam’s, you need to share it.
- And that’s what you have children for.
- Well, that, and to have a living, breathing testament to your love for The Husband.