Note to Self
August 21, 2009
- It is too late in the day to eat your leftovers from last night’s dinner. Especially when the leftovers make up more than half of your caloric intake for the entire day, and you may be eating birthday cake later.
- Find out if eating half of your lunch portion meal at Olive Garden then laughing continuously for at least an hour and a half evens everything out.
- Try to forget that you also ate more than half of the dessert after dinner.
- Try harder.
- You have a pretty decent-sized fear of sharp objects.
- Knowing this, do not volunteer to be part of a magician’s act until after you find out if the particular illusion you volunteered for includes a sword.
- Especially a sword that is supposed to be going through your neck.
- Illusion or not, the potential for having an accident in your pants while sitting on a stool on a stage in front of people is far too great a risk.
- Of course, after having two children, the potential for having an accident in your pants from laughing has increased as well.
- Consider this the next time your mother invites you out to see two comedians perform.
- Your mom rocks.
- Always take good care of her. Especially if a situation like this ever comes up.
- Encourage friends and family members to get squished. Or, if it’s a little early for that, encourage them to do the self-exams.
- Do not under any circumstance insert a joke here about The Husband helping by playing doctor.
Enjoy your weekend!