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PG-13

August 10, 2009

This post is rated PG-13.  Some material may be inappropriate for children under 13.  And men.  I know more of my readers are women, but guys, you’ve been warned.  Of course, if you’re a married guy who has happened upon this somehow, you could read on and tell us ladies how you feel about this subject…

So the new house has those big, bright lights above the mirror in the master bathroom.  Excellent when applying makeup, plucking eyebrows, etc.  Not so great at hiding imperfections.  However, also in the master bathroom is the subtle and much dimmer light that is right above the shower.  It has affectionately been deemed “mood lighting.”  I love that light.  It’s kind of like candlelight.  Everything looks better in candlelight.

We women are so hard on ourselves, especially our appearances.  But, come on… Sometimes we’re just being honest with ourselves.  I am pretty darn content with how I look most of the time — clothed, that is.  Those of you who’ve had children may know what I’m talking about (and if you don’t, please keep it to yourself).  Stretch marks.  Stretched skin.  And, of course, the tragedy that occurs when the bra comes off.  (And as much as I love a great bra, it kind of only makes the natural state that much sadder…)

Allow me to get personal.  Actually, you don’t have to allow me, because it’s my blog.  Anywho… I have always had a problem accepting compliments from The Husband when it comes to my appearance, clothed or not.  Why?  Because he sees the same sides of me that I do, and I know it ain’t all pretty.  I KNOW.  I love-love-love being with The Husband, and I do mean being with in the way you think I mean being with, and I enjoy it.  I just hate that it takes such effort for me to believe that he thinks I’m all that and a bag of chips.  Furthermore, he wants me to initiate things from time to time.  (And, for the record, your own husband may want the same thing.)  It’s just really a challenge for me to feel all sexy when I’m thinking about which part of me is jiggling or wiggling when it isn’t supposed to. 

However, what I’ve read, what I’ve seen in marriage seminars, what I’ve been told… I need to let go of that.

First and foremost, God made us.  Psalm 139:14 says we are fearfully and wonderfully made.  And how does that song go by The David Crowder Band?  “You make everything glorious, and I am Yours.  What does that make me?”  Glorious, ladies.  GLORIOUS.  If you’re taking care of the temple, doing the best you can with it, you’re good.

On top of that, the guys don’t see the imperfections the same way we do.  They just want us.  Now, at first, I got frustrated with this notion.  I heard it in a marriage seminar, and I thought, “Of course they don’t care, they just want the SEX!”  But that’s not always what it’s about — and this is what I’m taking way too long to learn.  So maybe you can learn it faster than me.  Dr. John Gray, the author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, had this to say:

When a man is in love and turned on by his wife, he is also totally entranced by the feminine beauty of her body, regardless of where the media would rank her on a scale from one to ten.  When he is  in love with his wife, he experiences the perfection of her body for him.

If that’s not enough for you, allow me to present you with a poem written by a man for a group of women in a Bible study (Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex).  I led this study and I sometimes sent the wives out with “homework” for their husbands.  When asked to answer what is attractive to men, this was his response.  (Thank you, Keith, for letting me share this.)

I was asked to write a poem
About what’s attractive in women to men.
I was hesitant —
How much trouble could flow from my pen?
I looked into my soda,
Took a drink from my glass.
How, poetically,
Can I explain your a**?
I gazed at the crystals,
Watched the melting cubes.
What words do I write
To explain our fascination with your b**bs?!

You gals are so great,
We love you so.
You wanted to know how,
So here I go:

As you stand on one leg,
Reaching for those upper shelves,
There are a number of things
That make it hard for us to control ourselves.
Those toes, with the foot raised up off the floor –
Sexy little digits –
Start us wanting more.
Up to the calf –
Our gaze drifts to there.
The beautiful curve, the soft skin,
What other pleasures will you share?

Ah yes, there’s the roundness
Of where you sit.
Whatever YOU say,
It gives us a fit!

What do we do?
How do we deal?
You may be making dinner,
But you’re starting more than just a meal.

Your shirt lifts up,
There’s a beautiful sliver of unexpected skin.
To explain our desire
We can’t even begin.

You just reached up
And grabbed a can of peas.
To US,
You just knocked us to our knees!

Our minds are racin’,
Our blood is rushin’,
You look at us
And wonder, “What’s all the fussin’?”

Well let me tell you,
Listen up girl.
There are a few facts
With which you must deal:

First, there is no template
Within which you must fit.
We love you, we find you sexy.
To us, you are “it”.
YOU like to talk,
To tell us how you feel.
WE like to look,
And our touch is for real.

Fingers to cheeks,
Lips to lips.
The smell of your hair,
The curve of your hips.
We’re not really ogling,
Or pawing at your skin.
We’re loving you –
That’s just how it tends to begin.

You’re not objectified,
Just here for the sex.
If you’ll only observe,
We’re actually a lot more complex.

Our love is deep,
Our actions true.
We really love your body.
It’s how we connect with you.

Yes we’re physical,
And very visceral too.
It doesn’t mean we’re not truly in love
With the real you.

Give us a break,
Love us all you can.
Nobody said we’re normal,
We’re just – man!

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Leslie Stanton permalink
    August 10, 2009 4:38 pm

    Great post! Thanks for the thoughts to “chew on”. What a great poem!

  2. August 10, 2009 4:43 pm

    Thank you for sharing that…. I know many of us truly feel that way. Thank you especially to your friend who shared the poem – it’s a nice insight to a man’s mind!

  3. August 10, 2009 8:55 pm

    love it! And now I feel bad about fussing at Jim when he messes with me while I’m cooking (of course I usually have a knife in my hand). 🙂

  4. August 13, 2009 12:29 pm

    Yes this proves us women are the ones with the hangups…and I say that lovingly, truly. My husband has watched my body go from a 17-year-old taut smoking silhouette, to a 35-year-old-birthed-two-kids-and-gained-30-pounds-and-cellulite/strechmarks mom body. He still acts and treats me like I look like that 17-year-old. I better stop punishing him for that…

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