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Dear Blank,

July 20, 2009

Dear Marshalls Employee,

I am very sorry that someone peed in your Wheaties this morning. 

I am sorry that I inconvenienced you by returning the shorts I bought yesterday because they had a big gaping hole in the back.  The big gaping hole that I didn’t notice until after I brought them home, cut the tags off, and proceeded to wear them to church.  To work with children.  I’m sorry that I threw away the tags.  I didn’t realize that when I purchased something and wore it I was supposed to retain the tags just in case I noticed later that there was a big gaping hole in the item. 

I’m sorry that after you gave me back my $7.49 that I returned to the clearance rack and found the exact same pair of shorts and brought them back up to you.  I’m sorry that whoever put them on the rack failed to attach a price tag.  I’m sorry that you had to punch some numbers and print a new one.  I’m sorry that it took an extra 30 seconds out of your busy morning, what with that one other shopper in the store who wasn’t yet at the check out line.

I do want to thank you for not making eye contact with me, though, and for not acknowledging my thanks for your help, my smile, and my sincere wish that you have a nice day.

The Woman With The Holey Shorts


Dear Kohls Employee,

I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for thinking that the Jansport backpack I bought on sale with my $5 coupon was for me.  For thinking that I was a student. 

I do apologize for practically jumping over the cash register to hug you, though.  I realize a simple thank you would have sufficed.  Also, I’m sorry I found the loudspeaker and, over the strains of Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer that seems to be playing every stinkin’ time I’m in your store, declared you to be my new BFF.

By the way, I think I wrote your number down wrong.  Are you sure the first three digits are 555?

With much love,
The Woman You Thought Was A Student

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Jessica permalink
    July 20, 2009 3:54 pm

    Seriously, Kohl’s is also great about returns. I bought my son a pair of sandals, they were giving him blisters, I let him wear them a little while longer thinking he’d break them in. They never stopped ripping up his feet (great mom that I am…) anyway, I returned them, sans tags, and they refunded me without a problem at all. Just thought I’d llet you know as I know you have a newfound love for Kohl’s and thought I’d give you another reason to love that store.

  2. Rich permalink
    July 20, 2009 4:36 pm

    Awesome first part there Vanessa, I love to read other people’s brilliant displays of sarcasm.

  3. Sonya permalink
    July 20, 2009 6:34 pm

    I HOPE you complained to Marshall’s – that woman needs to be taught a lesson in customer service. What a biatch. Sorry. I don’t put up with that crap. I can’t stand people like that, seriously. Glad the lady at Kohl’s cheered you up 🙂 Enjoy your first day of school *ha ha*

  4. Carrie permalink
    July 20, 2009 8:43 pm

    LOL you cracka me up!

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