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An Affair To Remember

July 14, 2009

Cheaters suck.  Being cheated on sucks. 

The memory of being cheated on may be worse.

Last night, our phone rang after 10 pm.  Nobody calls us after 10 pm.  If the phone rings after 10 pm, we think something is seriously wrong somewhere with someone.  No good can come from a phone call after 10 pm.

So the phone rang after 10 pm.  I answered, fully expecting to hear that something was seriously wrong somewhere with someone.  But I didn’t hear that.  Instead, I heard a delay and then a woman’s voice saying The Husband’s name with a question in her voice. 


“This is Vanessa,” I said with an edge, “his wife.” 

There was a pause, and then, “Is this ###-####?”

There was an audible sigh of relief, and then I told her she had a couple of numbers mixed up and hung up.

I have no reason to think The Husband would have a strange woman calling him after 10 pm, or at any hour.  However, the first thought that came to my mind was, What if that was the plan?  What if she was told to act like it was a wrong number if I answered?  What if? what if? what if?


This is where I think about the verse that talks about taking captive every thought and making it obedient to Christ.  (2 Corinthians 10:5, I think — I’m too tired to look it up.  Even if looking it up online is just a right-click away.  Okay, fine, I’ll look it up… And I was correct, 2 Corinthians 10:5.)

I hate, HATE, that my mind ever goes there.  EVER.  It is not fair to The Husband.  It is not fair TO ME.  Things can be going along incredibly well, smooth sailing, etc., etc., and then something can trigger a recollection of a similar situation ten years ago.  TEN YEARS.  Another life, a different man.  How much time will it take to heal this old wound?

Don’t get me wrong — I know my situation wasn’t the worst possible scenario ever.  After all, the marriage was brief and there were no children involved.  But, it was my scenario.  And it sucked.

After a wrong number after 10 pm on a weeknight, or any time something turns a switch in my mind that takes me to a place that I don’t want to be, I have to pray.  I have to take a deep breath.  I have to remember where I’m at and who I’m with.

Still.  I still wonder sometimes what it would be like to never go there in my mind.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. July 15, 2009 1:10 pm

    I understand completely.
    For me, it wasn’t a call late at night… It was a loved one asking me point blank what I would do WHEN my hubby cheats on me (while he was in Korea for a year). There was no doubt in HER mind that cheating is something men, all men, do. And she was both shocked and appalled when I told her that while I have NO fear that my hubby would ever cheat on me, IF he ever did, I do NOT know what I would do. Its easy to say sure I would leave him. However, in real life, when you are wrapped up in someone heart and soul, and when you have children or others that are caught up in your life as well, its never that easy. If it is, then the relationship was never very real to begin with, or has wasted away to a point that there was no hope to save it. So I told her that while I trust in my hubby, I did not know what I would do… and as a result of her question, spent the rest of our time apart struggling with phone calls that were late (from Korea), or emails that went unanswered, or conversations that were distracted (from his end). Cheating today is a part of life in secular society, and then when someone we admire or look up to in the Christian community falls into it, our foundations are rocked. You are not alone in your struggle with your thoughts. You are a woman, a wife, a lover… a human. Prayer will help you through those thoughts…

  2. Carrie permalink
    July 17, 2009 7:16 pm

    I *hate* it when a past experience causes me doubt or insecurity in the present! Just the fact that you didn’t act on it is excellent, you are on the right path! God is the only way to fully reconcile with the past! Love you!

    (btw, I’m back, will call you in the a.m.)

  3. Sonya permalink
    July 19, 2009 8:17 pm

    Wow, Vanessa…so true. In the past week, I’ve learned that one of my good friends is about to go through a divorce and that another friend (not close, but someone I knew from my working-outside-the-home days) has someone on the side. Every time (EVERY TIME) I hear about someone, Kyle is bombarded with, “Are you happy with me?” or “Promise me we’ll work through anything.” Having been divorced once before (without kids, thankfully), I cannot imagine it – and it’s scary, very scary. We have to trust God, for sure…and work like mad on our marriage to make sure we’re one of the lucky FEW that survive. So sad, our society.

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