An Affair To Remember
Cheaters suck. Being cheated on sucks.
The memory of being cheated on may be worse.
Last night, our phone rang after 10 pm. Nobody calls us after 10 pm. If the phone rings after 10 pm, we think something is seriously wrong somewhere with someone. No good can come from a phone call after 10 pm.
So the phone rang after 10 pm. I answered, fully expecting to hear that something was seriously wrong somewhere with someone. But I didn’t hear that. Instead, I heard a delay and then a woman’s voice saying The Husband’s name with a question in her voice.
“This is Vanessa,” I said with an edge, “his wife.”
There was a pause, and then, “Is this ###-####?”
There was an audible sigh of relief, and then I told her she had a couple of numbers mixed up and hung up.
I have no reason to think The Husband would have a strange woman calling him after 10 pm, or at any hour. However, the first thought that came to my mind was, What if that was the plan? What if she was told to act like it was a wrong number if I answered? What if? what if? what if?
STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!
This is where I think about the verse that talks about taking captive every thought and making it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5, I think — I’m too tired to look it up. Even if looking it up online is just a right-click away. Okay, fine, I’ll look it up… And I was correct, 2 Corinthians 10:5.)
I hate, HATE, that my mind ever goes there. EVER. It is not fair to The Husband. It is not fair TO ME. Things can be going along incredibly well, smooth sailing, etc., etc., and then something can trigger a recollection of a similar situation ten years ago. TEN YEARS. Another life, a different man. How much time will it take to heal this old wound?
Don’t get me wrong — I know my situation wasn’t the worst possible scenario ever. After all, the marriage was brief and there were no children involved. But, it was my scenario. And it sucked.
After a wrong number after 10 pm on a weeknight, or any time something turns a switch in my mind that takes me to a place that I don’t want to be, I have to pray. I have to take a deep breath. I have to remember where I’m at and who I’m with.
Still. I still wonder sometimes what it would be like to never go there in my mind.