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Don’t Hate On My State

June 4, 2009

Somehow in my little neck of the woods, I have come to know a handful (actually, more like two fistfuls) of folks from the state of Alabama.  Many of these people graduated from Auburn.  Because of them, I have gained a little knowledge about the state… and Auburn grads.

For instance, did you know that a male Auburn grad may glare at you for a solid minute if you call him a “‘Bama Boy”?

Did you know that you should not question the whole mascot thing (tiger? war eagle?) unless you have time for a little bit of a history lesson?

And did you know that these graduates will arrange all of their fall social engagements around the Auburn football schedule?

I’m sure there are other fans that hold this kind of devotion to their alma mater, but I’ve known quite a few fanatics in my day and I don’t think I’ve ever seen the kind of dedication to a team (or a school) that Auburn alum seem to have.  It’s only mildly scary — mostly it’s endearing.

I have a similar kind of love.  I’m a Florida girl.  I’m third generation Floridian — third generation to my hometown, as a matter of fact.  It’s kind of a rarity.  I love Florida and, honestly, I don’t know what I’d do if I had to leave.  Well, I do know — I’d survive.  But I’d miss my state.

Florida is home to lots of people from somewhere else.  LOTS.  I have noticed that sometimes, sometimes, these transplants need a little schooling.  I wanted to address some of the most pressing issues.

— Yes, it is hot.  YOU’RE IN FLORIDA.  Just to let you know, in the 1700s, Gov. Henry Ellis walked around Savannah, Georgia checking a thermometer constantly, and he went insane.  It could happen to you.

— Flip flops ain’t just for the beach, baby.  And if you’re going to go flipping and flopping, might I suggest a quick pedicure?

socksandsandals — Gentlemen — socks and sandals are a NO

 — Ladies — pantyhose and sandals are a NO.

 — Stop complaining about Florida drivers.  When last I checked, the census said that only 30% of those living in Florida were native Floridians.  So 70% of those bad drivers have come here from somewhere else.  Maybe where you’re from. 

— Go outside.  Do you see the ocean?  No?  Then you don’t live ON the beach.  You can say you live “minutes from the beach” or even “near the beach”.  But unless you can walk to it, you don’t live ON it.

— The further south you go in Florida, the more northern things become. 

— The further north you go in Florida, the more southern things become.

— From about October through May, you might want to start finding some new ways around your town — back roads and what not.  The main roads tend to get busier during that time due to snowbirds.  (Don’t hate — that’s someone’s grandma you’re thinking about giving the one-finger salute to.)

old lady driving a car

— And finally… No, mosquitoes are not our state bird.

Class is now dismissed.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. Carrie permalink
    June 4, 2009 7:33 am

    Love it! I absolutely, positively love it. 🙂 Love you, too

  2. Carrie permalink
    June 4, 2009 7:34 am

    Oh and by the way, War Eagle! 🙂

  3. Vanessa's Mom permalink
    June 4, 2009 8:43 am

    You made my day! Thank you from the second generation of your three! Love ya, Babe!

  4. June 4, 2009 9:09 am

    Really true… And since I accept it, I won’t ever willingly move back! lol I know, I am nuts… I just never was a beach person, or a mosquito person, or a humidity person. I also have a small hatred for the stinking pine trees with their yellow pollen, and the ‘love-bugs’ that kill paint jobs. BUT.. all that said… I loved this post! 😉

  5. June 4, 2009 10:33 am

    i live in the state of confusion.

    and. i wear socks with sandals all the time. and i love me for it.

  6. soundsliketomatoes permalink
    June 4, 2009 10:37 am

    Dude, I saw Winn’s socks and sandals. It tweren’t pretty.

    Also, I lived in Panama City Beach, where you not only get drivers like in Ferris Bueller’s you also get young hotties who like to show you what they look like with no bra. It was a treat every time we were out.

    I also lived in Brooksville, Florida, where everyone I know sang Guns and Roses at the drop of a hat and changed the lyrics to say “Take me down to the Brooksville City where the girls are green and grass is pretty…”

    It’s a wonder I’m so balanced and well adjusted.

  7. Leslie Stanton permalink
    June 4, 2009 3:59 pm

    Great post! Really there is a sign somewhere prohibiting socks and sandals?! 🙂

  8. Sonya permalink
    June 6, 2009 8:53 pm

    The “living ON the beach thing” reminds me of something my uncle said. It’s like people saying (in an uppity manner, like they’re someone important) “I live in Bayside!”. My uncle’s response? “No you don’t, you live in Palm Bay like the rest of us – Bayside isn’t it’s own city!” 🙂

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