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Creepy Meals

September 19, 2008

We don’t go to McDonald’s much.  Wendy’s is typically our junk food of choice.  (Frosties + French Fries = Clear Winner.)  But the other day we were invited to Mickey D’s with one of Big Sister’s classmates, and then the next day I needed somewhere to go between picking her up from school and taking her to a doctor’s appointment that was nearby.  And something without a playground.  So I chose the McDonald’s with the widescreen TVs that are always tuned to CNN.  The girls were not interested in Sarah Palin and John McCain in Iowa, so they concentrated on their food while I chanted “We want John!” and booed the protestors.

Even if you don’t have kids, you were one once, and you know part of the thrill of eating at a fine dining establishment promoted by a red-haired clown, freckled face little girl or strange-looking royalty is THE TOY.  Wrapped in plastic and completely useless, it sits at the bottom of the box or bag and is either given to the child immediately to prevent meltdowns, or it is surreptitiously hidden by the parents and used as a bribe.  “Eat three more nuggets and you’ll get your toy!”  If you’re in the south and eating at Chick-fil-A, you can trade their prize for an Ice Dream, because Chick-fil-A rocks, even if their prices are a little higher.  Anywhere else, you’re stuck with the thing (unless you know something I don’t — and if you do, please share!), even a bizarre Star Wars toy with a bobble head sitting atop a very small spaceship, and it doesn’t even do the cool slide back and zip forward thing.  Bummer.

With no movies to promote or current fads able to be miniaturized, McDonald’s chose Legos for boys.  Not just any Legos — Batman Legos.  My daughter’s friend declared Batman “cool,” and I can go with that.  If you take a little girl to McDonald’s between now and October 9th, she will receive a miniature Madame Alexander doll.  Not just any doll, though… It is a doll inspired by The Wizard of Oz.  The first time we went, I forgot to ask for the Under 3 toy, and we were blessed with two of these dolls.  Big Sister got their version of Dorothy, which was kind of cute with the little basket with Toto inside.  Li’l Bit, however, got the flying monkey.

Toy? or TORTURE???

Toy? or TORTURE???

 The flying monkeys in the movie are bad enough.  I can’t look at them for very long or else I’ll have nightmares.  (And it wouldn’t be complete without a visit from the Oompa-Loompas as well.  Freak. Me. Out.)  These dolls, though… Just look at it!  It’s eerie!  The eyes are penetrating, they follow you wherever you go!  And the contrast of that horrible blue paint to the ruby red lips… *shudder*  (Big Sister also asked why the boy was wearing lipstick.)  I know that dolls like these are considered collector’s items, but they just give me the heebie jeebies.
But, you know, if you like that sort of thing, head on over to the Madame Alexander website.  They have an entire Wizard of Oz collection.  Allow me to show you some examples.  That way I won’t be the only one laying awake with visions of…
The Wicked Witch of the Strip Club... I mean, EAST

The Wicked Witch of the Strip Club... I mean, EAST

No wonder the Wicked Witch of the West was green!  She was green with envy ’cause her sister had it goin’ on!!  Now, how did they come up with that get-up after only being shown those fabulous stripedy socks and the famous ruby reds?

Lollipop Guido

Lollipop Guido

Yeah, you think he’s all innocent with that sweet treat in his hand, until he BEATS OR IMPALES YOU WITH IT!!

For the homicidal maniac in all of us!

For the homicidal maniac in all of us!

Because who doesn’t want to memorialize the Wicked Witch’s slow, painful death at the hands of a sweet little girl, right?  I think it should come with sound effects.  “I’m melting! Melting!  What a world, what a world!” 

So, basically all this is to say that I’m not a big fan of the scary dolls in my kids’ meals.  I won’t be rushing back to Mickey D’s any time soon.  At least not until after October 9th.  *shudder*

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Katrina Marie permalink
    September 19, 2008 9:51 am

    Stop it! You’re making me laugh out loud at my desk at work and my sides hurt!!! Man, that is one freaky looking doll. I’ll make sure to stay away from McD’s until after this one passes as well.

    Oh, and by the way, Big Sister is our family LOVES the Star Wars toys. (Husband is making sure to raise another Star Wars lover, much to my chagrin.) She’s got a couple Storm Troopers and was sad when she didn’t get Yoda. They do move, you just have to wind them up. At least the Storm Troopers do – they walk.

  2. Katrina Marie permalink
    September 19, 2008 9:52 am

    Oh, and by the way, you posted this at 5AM?!?! Gah, go to sleep woman!

  3. soundsliketomatoes permalink
    September 19, 2008 11:21 am

    We knew we had raised our daughter right when she told us last night that she was Princess Leah yesterday at the playground. We were so proud.

  4. Lori F. permalink
    September 19, 2008 9:43 pm

    my son is sooo ecstatic about Lego Batman! lol. Apparently, I’ve been told by the hubby, they’re doing the lego toys because “Lego Batman” is coming out on PS3, Xbox 360, etc.
    I saw those creepy dolls.. craziness!!!! lol. i laughed as always!!

  5. Mom permalink
    September 20, 2008 5:09 pm

    I thought the Lollipop Guido doll looked like “Chuckie”.

  6. September 22, 2008 9:30 am

    Is this my mom or your mom? If it’s your mom, she sounds an awful lot like my mom…

  7. freebutterfly permalink*
    September 22, 2008 10:10 am

    That’s my mama! 🙂 She’s wonderful!

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