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I never finish anyth

September 9, 2008

(Yeah, that’s a flair.)

It occurred to me that I’ve never seen a significant relationship through a significant hardship with significant success.  Affair, marriage ended.  Abuse, boyfriend broken up with.  Even in my younger days, there was no making things right — was it worth the time and energy for a teenage romance?

Well, I’m an adult now and I’m married.  There’s no affair, there’s no abuse.  There’s just life.  Life and estrogen.  Mostly life, though.  He has a job, I have children to raise.  He has obligations outside the family, as do I.  Every marriage goes through its ups and downs, right?  Every marriage.  That would include mine.  There are times when things just feel off and not right.  Unsettled.  Or distant.  Or both.  It would be so easy just to meander through my daily existence, acting like I don’t notice that we don’t make time for each other like we used to.  Blaming all of our adult responsibilities for not having a date in a while.

Whatthecrapever.

Sorry, that won’t cut it for me. 

Is that how it happens?  Is that how people who were once in a totally loving marriage get to the point of giving up?  I’m not doing it.  No freaking way.  I’m not going to forget that God brought us together and there was no denying it when we got together.  Because did that change?  HECK NO!  We are still the same couple that God wanted together, and it’s up to us to remember that even when things are off, weird, distant, or worse.

The movie “Fireproof” is coming out in a couple of weeks, and I’ve been reading a little about it, and I know we’re going to go see it.  If this movie has half the heart that “Facing the Giants” did, then the message will come through loud and clear.  I’ve read about this thing they talk about in the movie called “the love dare” — cheesy, maybe, but probably more effective than anyone wants to admit.  How hard would it be for a husband to perform one act of love a day for 40 days?  How hard would it be for a wife to take The 30-Day Challenge?

To make it extremely personal, what I have to remember is that The Husband and I are only human.  We are going to miss the mark with each other over and over again.  I think that as long as we’re making the effort, though, that counts.  A lot.  I am 110% committed to him and to our marriage, to our family and to our future.  I’m going to do the challenge again.  I’m going to be constantly on the lookout for the things he does right rather than dwell on where I feel unfulfilled.  The Husband isn’t there to fill every hole in my soul — I’ve got Christ for that, can I get an amen?  He’s not going to always know the right thing to say or do — this isn’t a book or a movie, there’s no author to write lovely things for him to say or a script for him to go by.  Men sometimes show love in different ways.  Time for me to pay attention.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Misty permalink
    September 9, 2008 8:46 pm

    I saw the trailer today for Fireproof and yes, we will see it. I think some things warrant ending, such as abuse but if both the husband and wife are willing and open to work, than that’s worth sticking it out. Its really a case by case kind of thing. A few friends sent me a sticker or flair that said “A womans heart should be so lost in God a man needs to seek Him in order to find her.” This goes both ways obviously, but oh so true. So amen, for depending on God to meet your every need and enjoying your husband’s efforts. This is the best I can do anyway!

  2. fivemoreminutesplease permalink
    September 9, 2008 11:07 pm

    I got to watch Fireproof, before it’s release, back in April at a marriage intensive that Mike and I went to. It was pretty good…in a lot of different ways. It was especially good because of the environment we were in, emotions already high and all…I am gonna have to go see it again, though, when I am just in a “normal” state of mind, whatever that is.

  3. Katrina Marie permalink
    September 10, 2008 1:25 pm

    More flair for this one: “Be different. Stay married.”

    I’m easily irritable with people who are so blase about ending a marriage. ARGH. “For better or worse, richer or poorer. Through sickness and in health. ‘Til death do us part…” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! Life is rough, marriage is tough, but no one ever said it would be all sunshine and roses. Excuse me while I channel Tim Gunn for a moment: MAKE IT WORK! (Of course, adultery and abuse change things EVER so slightly.)

    And there’s nothing like having your toddler tell you to “chill out” when you’re arguing with your spouse to make you realize that, you know what? Some things aren’t as big a deal as we make them. These huge issues in marriage? Sometimes they just aren’t that huge.

  4. ridge765 permalink
    September 10, 2008 7:05 pm

    I feel your pain too. My husband and I went to a pre-screening of Fireproof and it touched us deeply. My hubby isn’t a mushy guy, but this movie succeeded in engaging him immediately, then at one point he was in tears because it was so real. The people putting on the screening gave us a copy of the Love Dare book from the movie and also a copy of a Couple’s Kit, which is a bible study couples can do at home together. The kit has a DVD with clips from the movie on it. Both were excellent, and despite our past my husband and I have really come together over them. I found them online at http://www.thelovedarebook.com. Hope this helps.

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