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The Dark Side

July 7, 2008

Sorry, no cookies.

Before I begin this journey into the innermost workings of my heart and soul, I would like to say one thing.  It’s DEFINITELY.  Not definately.  D-E-F-I-N-I-T-E-L-Y.  There’s even a website.

*whew*  Glad I got that off my chest.

One of my friends is having some medical testing done this week for something that could be serious, and she was telling me how she feels like she needs to have so much stuff in order, just in case.  Even just in case she has to be kept overnight in the hospital.  She wants to have the laundry done, the house cleaned up, and have information out so her husband and other family members know what kid needs to go where when, etc.  She’s even given thought to putting on paper the kinds of things she would like said at her service.

I know just what she’s talking about.

I am so happy that The Husband and I were not squeamish about taking care of our wills.  I told him I didn’t care if we only had two pennies to our name, we were designating where each one was going!   Somewhere I have a list of all my various accounts with the logins and passwords so all of the friends I have living in the computer would be able to find out if something happened to me.

You may call that morbid, I call it practical.

My friend was talking about how she’d like someone to read something she’d written about those that were especially special to her.  I’ve thought about that before, a little something to tell my loved ones just how much I love them, what they’ve done for me, etc.

I’ve never actually done it though.  First of all, it would take forever.  Secondly, every time I think about doing it, I wonder why these people have to find out they’re special to me after I’m gone.  Why am I not telling them now?  Is it pride?  I don’t want my family and friends to know that they mean so much to me?  I don’t want to make myself vulnerable, telling someone how much they’ve done for me only to have them look at me like I have two heads?

Long ago, when I was a member of one of the best youth groups EVER, our youth minister had us do something called “Warm Fuzzies.”  (Geez, I’m such a wimp, tears are already coming to my eyes.)  We would get in a circle, and everyone had two warm fuzzies.  One by one we would sit in the middle of the circle, and two or three people would come up and present you with a little fuzz ball and tell you something they liked about you, or why they loved you.

Maybe I need to suck it up and be the two-headed freak that goes around and tells people how great I think they are.  Maybe I need to be warmer and fuzzier.  Would that be difficult?  Sadly, yes.  Would it be worth it when it’s all said and done?  Definitely.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Julie permalink
    July 7, 2008 5:32 pm

    Vanessa,
    I like you because you are one of the nicest people i’ve never met.

  2. Jen permalink
    July 7, 2008 6:00 pm

    First of all, spelling that word wrong has ALWAYS bothered me. So from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!
    Second of all, I think it’s great that you are talking wills and it is VERY practical. My dad (being a lawyer) made Jonathan and I do our wills about a month after we were married!!! CRAZY! Now working for a hospice, part of our training was wills and how important they are. You are going to have a hard enough time when your spouse passes away, why have to have all the legal problems on top of that? You should always be the one to make the decisions for your spouse as you know them best (legally of course, by living wills, power of attorney..etc.. is the only way to do it). It’d be really hard to get that right taken away from you when you need it most..all because of legalities!
    So everyone, just do it now and get it over with. You’ll be glad you did much later in life.
    Now, I’m DEFINITELY done ranting. 🙂

  3. Amy permalink
    July 7, 2008 7:29 pm

    Jerry and I had our wills done in 2004 when Carson was born. Best thing ever. I know where my kids will go and I know who will be making decisions on my behalf.

    I have a friend that lost her husband 3 years ago. Her daughter was born before they married and now she has to pay the estate just to own her house free and clear. Her daugher gets the majority of things they had when she is 18 years old and she is only 10. There is alot in this estate and yes eventually her daughter would have gotten it anyway, but no child should get that amount of money when they turn 18. This all happened because there were things in his name and not hers before he died because he bought them before they were married (not before they were a couple). They were together for 13 years. She helped build the house and picked everything out but can’t even call it her house now because the estate owns a lot of it. It is very sad. I only share this story with you because it may make somone go out and get a will. Not only has she had to mourne the passing of her husband, she has had to find a way to make ends meet. If you don’t have a will you should get one. It is important not only for your spouse but for your child.

    Oh and I did write a “last letter” to my friends and family before Jer and I went to Maryland last August. I cried the whole way through it and I could barely contain myself. I am so glad that I wrote it because, even though I do tell my loved ones and friends how much they mean to me I would want to leave them one last thing so they knew I was always thinking of them.

  4. soundsliketomatoes permalink
    July 8, 2008 9:28 am

    First of all, I think my heart sunk a little when I read the bit about definitely, because I write it with an “a” sometimes. I’m getting dumber, I just know it. Secondly, I totally agree about the will thing, if only to stipulate who gets your children if you die, because I have heard of horror stories of that nature, too. We don’t even have two pennies, we just get to pass our debt along, ha ha…ok, that’s really not funny.

    And thirdly, wouldn’t it be nice if we could start writing letters to each other, letting each other know just what difference we made it each other’s lives? (man, that’s a lot of “each other” references, it kind of kills it, doesn’t it?)

  5. July 8, 2008 4:51 pm

    Another ‘Thank God we are in the military” moment. The military makes all its members make out wills and power of attorneys, especially if that member is up for deployment. Brett and I both had separate ones before we got married, so when we sat down to combine the two into one, it took a lot of time. It was really emotional and really scary! We had been married for two weeks and our commanders were demanding the updated paperwork! So we had to face that full on, and now we are good. It isnt easy, but it is actually kind of a relief to open up with your spouse. The conversations that stemmed from making our will, also helped us reach decisions for medical directives and financial decisions. This is definitely not one of those things to procrastinate on!

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