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Look Again

May 29, 2008

There was this guy once, I met him at an indoor rock climbing gym.  The first thing I noticed about him was his gorgeous blue eyes.  When I realized I was staring at him, I quickly looked away.  Then it occurred to me that he’d been looking at me too!  My heart beat a little faster.  We didn’t get to talk much that night, but two Sundays later there he was at my church!  Then the next night, there he was again at a game night!  I must’ve run to the bathroom at least half a dozen times to check the mirror and figure out if I should leave my hair up or take it down.  I remember being so frustrated with myself, acting like a 16-year-old with a crush rather than a 26-year-old woman with a crush.  (To this day I don’t see much of a difference in how they behave though.)

That Tuesday night, he asked me out.  We saw each other at different events on Wednesday and Thursday, and Friday afternoon was The Date.  After we saw a movie together, we talked for hours.  Twenty-four days later, he proposed.  Four months after that, we were married.

Five and a half years later, that man is still there.  Those blue eyes can still do a number on me.  I still get butterflies when he puts his arm around me.  I still get dizzy when he kisses me.

However, there are days when I wonder where that guy I met at the rock climbing gym went.  When the only channel the remote finds is ESPN.  When I realize that he actually likes sci-fi a little more than I expected.  During baseball season.  And football season.

I wonder, though, if he sees this 32-year-old woman and is looking for that girl he met, or even the one he first married… When he comes home and finds me wearing a t-shirt and slightly unflattering stretchy shorts, my glasses on and my hair piled on top of my head in a sloppy bun.  When I roll my eyes at him instead of laughing when he’s trying to lighten the mood.  When I shrug him away if he gives me a pat on the backside rather than giggling.  Grumbling “Not now,” instead of flirtatiously whispering, “Later…”

Uh-oh.  Maybe I’ve changed too?  “He should love me as I am!” I can protest.  But do I give him that same opportunity?  Or am I constantly trying to change him back to the man he was, instead of loving the man he’s become?  Especially when it’s very likely that the same qualities I came to love about him are still just as present.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Sonya permalink
    May 29, 2008 9:30 pm

    Loving the blog, Vanessa! I can relate as Kyle and I enter this whole new world of married life. You know the lightening speed at which our relationship has gone. There are naysayers and people who think we’re crazy, I’m sure. But like you and Chris, when you know, YOU KNOW!

    And all of those things we’re kind of like, “uh oh” (for you it’s ESPN and sci-fi…for me, it’s Star Wars but in a healthy kind of way *thank goodness*), I realized I’m not perfect. And that’s okay. Come to find out, he digs that I have this thing for French things and being artsy fartsy and a mini-Martha Stewart perfectionist. And I’m finding I love how laid back he can be, because at the end of the day, he keeps me grounded and not so high strung (hellloooo, why didn’t I meet him sooner?!?!).

  2. Jen permalink
    May 30, 2008 11:41 am

    And that’s just it. Realizing that there are such differences between spouses. For me it’s the same, being high strung, Jonathan is so laid back at times. Instead of looking at it as complete opposites that is always frustrating, it’s realizing that we compliment each other and that him being so laid back at times, it keeps me grounded! And I keep him on his toes when it’s needed. It’s complimenting each other, and it’s hard to view it like that every moment of every day 🙂

  3. Christina permalink
    June 7, 2008 3:18 pm

    We too had a ‘whirlwind’ romance… and yes, we are both changing… and we sometimes struggle with those changes… But I think it is a frame of mind… choosing to focus on all the things you love instead of focusing on the things that drive you batty! Like: I HATE my gray hair, but he thinks its sexy! (WHAT?!?! ..okay so that is really flattering and I love him for it) He thinks he is putting on too much weight, but I think his broad shoulders are strong and comfortable to lean on. (He laughs at me… haha)

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