There was this guy once, I met him at an indoor rock climbing gym. The first thing I noticed about him was his gorgeous blue eyes. When I realized I was staring at him, I quickly looked away. Then it occurred to me that he’d been looking at me too! My heart beat a little faster. We didn’t get to talk much that night, but two Sundays later there he was at my church! Then the next night, there he was again at a game night! I must’ve run to the bathroom at least half a dozen times to check the mirror and figure out if I should leave my hair up or take it down. I remember being so frustrated with myself, acting like a 16-year-old with a crush rather than a 26-year-old woman with a crush. (To this day I don’t see much of a difference in how they behave though.)
That Tuesday night, he asked me out. We saw each other at different events on Wednesday and Thursday, and Friday afternoon was The Date. After we saw a movie together, we talked for hours. Twenty-four days later, he proposed. Four months after that, we were married.
Five and a half years later, that man is still there. Those blue eyes can still do a number on me. I still get butterflies when he puts his arm around me. I still get dizzy when he kisses me.
However, there are days when I wonder where that guy I met at the rock climbing gym went. When the only channel the remote finds is ESPN. When I realize that he actually likes sci-fi a little more than I expected. During baseball season. And football season.
I wonder, though, if he sees this 32-year-old woman and is looking for that girl he met, or even the one he first married… When he comes home and finds me wearing a t-shirt and slightly unflattering stretchy shorts, my glasses on and my hair piled on top of my head in a sloppy bun. When I roll my eyes at him instead of laughing when he’s trying to lighten the mood. When I shrug him away if he gives me a pat on the backside rather than giggling. Grumbling “Not now,” instead of flirtatiously whispering, “Later…”
Uh-oh. Maybe I’ve changed too? “He should love me as I am!” I can protest. But do I give him that same opportunity? Or am I constantly trying to change him back to the man he was, instead of loving the man he’s become? Especially when it’s very likely that the same qualities I came to love about him are still just as present.