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So You Married An Idiot

May 28, 2008

What do you hear more often?

“My husband is such an idiot, yesterday he…”

or

“My husband is amazing, yesterday he…”

What do you say more often? 

Do we ever stop to think about how that reflects on us?  After all, we’re the geniuses that married these idiots.  Committed to them for life.  Us and the idiots, forever.  It’s not like we need to tell people our husbands aren’t perfect, they can probably figure that out on their own considering nobody’s perfect.

I try to brag on my husband.  It’s kind of easy.  He is the best daddy in the world.  He’s a hard worker.  He’s hilarious, he can always make me laugh — even when I don’t want to be laughing.  He’s also hot and an excellent lovah.  (You knew I was going to go there, don’t act all shocked.)

I have a couple of t-shirts from From*me Tees.  I love ’em.  I want more!  When I was on their site one time, I noticed some links on their About Us page.  One was specifically for wives, so I followed it and found myself here.  It’s a 30-day challenge for wives — for 30 days you don’t say anything negative to or about your husband.  But that’s not all.  You’re also supposed to say something you admire and respect about your husband to others and to your husband. 

I did that challenge.  I used the guide they offer for my devotion time.  It was pretty easy for me to speak well about my husband to others.  It was slightly more difficult for me to refrain from saying anything negative, but I know how hard I worked and I think I did a decent job.

Do you know what the hardest part was?  Saying uplifting things to my husband.  It’s so easy to tell my friends how great he is, but when it came to telling him face-to-face I fell short.  I am pretty sure part of that was pride — I didn’t want him to get too high and mighty, right?   But he needs that affirmation.  And even if he doesn’t need it, I bet he wouldn’t hate hearing it!  Once in a while at work he’ll get an e-mail forwarded to him.  A higher up in the company bragging on him, and someone passes it along for him to read.  It’s a good feeling!  Shouldn’t I, as his wife, be able to give him that kind of feeling too?  And do better at it?  I think so.

Even if a husband seems to have more negative traits than positive, focusing on those pros can serve you well.  Now don’t get me wrong, I know some husbands are creeps.  Some wives are creeps too.  But if you’re married and you’re planning on staying that way, wouldn’t you rather be with someone you’re quicker to promote than put down?  Try it.  Brag on the man.  Pick at least one thing you like about him and tell him about it.  Swell his pride.  I challenge you to the challenge

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. ourfamilylife permalink
    May 28, 2008 5:04 pm

    Very cool, Vanessa. I’ll try it!

  2. ourfamilylife permalink
    May 28, 2008 5:04 pm

    PS: It’ Aimee, BTW.

  3. May 28, 2008 5:07 pm

    I completely understand.. it’s the same in this house!

    Btw.. I tagged your new blog on my blog! head over to check it out!

  4. Jen permalink
    May 28, 2008 5:46 pm

    That’s something I need to seriously work on. Selling his pride because I know I don’t do it enough and that’s one of his love languages. Thanks for the reminder, I’m on it!!!

  5. Jen permalink
    May 28, 2008 5:47 pm

    Um, that would be “swelling” his pride. Darn it.

  6. leighann24 permalink
    May 28, 2008 10:50 pm

    I enjoy your new blog! Something I need to work on more often with my husband…the compliments! Your blog had perfect timing.

  7. soundsliketomatoes permalink
    May 29, 2008 9:23 am

    Funny, isn’t it? that we, women, probably bragged all over our husbands while dating, probably even during engagement, but as soon as the ring hit the finger and real life set it, I don’t know…the kind words stop flowing for most folks. Perhaps the presence of the socks and underwear on the floor, right next to the hamper close the door to all the nice things we use to say, and we find ourselves becoming a harpie. And then, we sit around with our girlfriends and actually tell them all the nasty stuff we think about our spouses. How shameful!
    Good blog, good fodder for thinking, good challenge!

  8. Christina permalink
    May 29, 2008 4:19 pm

    I LOVE this one!!! and I agree one hundred percent! While there are definitly times when I talk to my Mom or my Sister and I need to ‘vent’, for the most part, I am very careful to only share the things I love about Brett. One: because I want them to only know his best points… the reasons I fell in love with him, the reasons I will forever love him. Two: I KNOW if I start to dwell on any of the things that I DONT love about him, how easy it will be to start to focus on those things. Three: there are plenty of negative things in our lives that take up our time, adding negativity into our marriage is not one of them. Four: I notice when I am positive to Brett and about Brett, he reciprocates that positivity, and we get along better, we spend more time together, and we are showing our son the effects of being positive.
    Granted… there are definitly days its hard. Neither he nor I are perfect, and we just get on eachothers nerves somedays… But those are just moments… and they pass.

  9. Sonya permalink
    May 29, 2008 9:25 pm

    Right on the money, girl! Kyle and I have made it a point to COMMUNICATE – if I’m upset (or vice versa) we go to the other immediately. If one doesn’t want to talk, we accept that and agree upon a time TO discuss it…otherwise, it stays bottled up and the bitterness only grows…BUT, that cool off time is crucial, otherwise the two ounce beast (tongue) will do serious damage.

    This is my second time around and I learned from my mistakes in marriage #1. I’ve made it my goal to uplift Kyle every chance I get – to edify and encourage the heck out of him! And I’ve noticed how he just lights up when I do 🙂 I don’t do it to boost his ego, I do it because as wives we’re commanded to, but also, to build him up into the greatest person I know he is.

    At the end of the day, we’re to have each other’s backs – regardless. He’s the one I trust, hands down. He’s the one that can kick me in the rear (figuratively!) and can get away with it. And that’s one of the things I LOVE most about him, believe it or not – to call me on things I need to be called on. Soooo great to finally have that best friend, you know? 🙂

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