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My favorite subject

May 27, 2008

“My husband’s lucky if we have sex once a month.”

I must have missed the memo where there was a prize for abstaining from your husband. Not that I would win. Not that I would even compete.

First and foremost, I like sex with my husband.  I like it a lot.  It’s pretty amazing, actually.

Secondly… Well, when it comes to the Bible I tend to take things at face value.  There are limitless resources to help us better understand God’s Word, though, and as far as I’ve been taught and studied, the following verses are pretty clear cut.  Take a look at 1 Corinthians 7.3-6 (emphasis mine):

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.  The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.  In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.  Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  I say this as a concession, not as a command.

When we got married, two became one.  My body is not my own.  And now more than ever, Satan is tempting my husband left and right.  I am not completely naive, I know my husband is going to be tempted to look, to lust.  I’d rather be there for him and give him more to look forward to from me at home than anywhere else.

Outside of Biblical principles, the most compelling argument for not refusing my husband came out of Sheet Music, a book by Dr. Kevin Leman.  Read this carefully — again, emphasis mine: 

If you wanted your husband to converse more and he simply said, “Sorry, talk just doesn’t interest me as much as it interests you,” you’d be hurt, wouldn’t you?  In fact, some of you probably have husbands who have said something very similar.  Or if your husband was habitually lazy, refusing to help, saying that working around the house held little interest for him, you’d soon grow weary of his disinterest and want him to change, wouldn’t you?

When you tell your husband you just don’t have any interest in sex, you’re doing the same thing.  In fact, what you’re doing is worse.  You can always call up a girlfriend to talk or hire a handyman to work around the house, but your husband has no place else to go to express sexual intimacy.

That sealed the deal for me, because it is so true.  Sex is sometimes (often times) the only thing we can offer our husbands that no one else can.  I think too many women hold that over their husbands’ heads though, dangling the opportunity to go to bed with them as a reward for good behavior and revoking it for the slightest infraction. 

Do our husbands do that to us?  “If you don’t have sex with me, I’m not going to go to work and provide for us!”  Not so much.

Sex is not a reward and denying it shouldn’t be used as punishment.  It’s meant to be enjoyed.  Yes, meant to be enjoyed.  More on that later.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Sonya permalink
    May 29, 2008 9:18 pm

    EXCELLENT point, Vanessa 🙂 Totally agree with you!

  2. June 15, 2009 1:22 pm

    Your post is very well crafted and I have learned. Ive added your blog to my reading material. Thanks for the update!

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