Solo March 31, 2009

The Husband has Guy Time.  Whether it be softball, Ultimate Frisbee, or gathering with other adult males to hold controllers and save the earth from alien domination, he’s always had something to do with The Guys.

I have Girl Time.  I get together with my friends and have a blast doing… Well, whatever it is that we do, I’m pretty much guaranteed to have an amazing time.  That happens when you have amazing friends.

Sometimes, though, I need ME TIME.  These days, I get that when The Husband has late softball games.  Our girls go to bed, and I am left in a quiet apartment.  So many choices!  Do I paint my toenails?  Watch some horrible TV show that The Husband cannot stomach?  Read?

It reminds me, though, that there was a time when I got to make choices like that every night.  Back in the day, when I had my own apartment.  600 square feet of MY OWN PERSONAL SPACE.  You could stand at the front door, rotate yourself from left to right, and you would have seen the entire place — including the bathroom with a little twist of the neck.  Small though it was, it was mine, ALL MINE!  I lived in the very back of the complex, nothing behind me except a manmade lake and part of the golf course.

Sure, I took advantage of that time to myself.  Some nights I would come home from work and throw on my jammies, heat up some chicken pot pie and relish having total authority over what channel was on.  I enjoyed being able to go out whenever I wanted, invite people over whenever I wanted, and I also enjoyed not answering the phone or the door if I didn’t want to.

But I think a lot of the time I was wishin’ (and hopin’ and dreamin’ and prayin’) about finding Mr. Right, settling down and making some babies.

According to Google, it was George Bernard Shaw that said, “Youth is wasted on the young.”  Yeah, I get that.  And sometimes, being single is wasted on the unattached.  It seems that a lot of times, no matter where we are, there’s somewhere else we’d rather be. 

Why are we like that?!

WWWD? March 25, 2009

Nope, not a typo.  And no, not sacrilege either.

What Would Winn Do? 

I am a sensitive person, and I am reactionary.  If I’m not reacting externally, you can be pretty certain that I’m reacting internally.  It’s not always a negative thing though, sometimes I’m doing a little happy dance — and I have to do that on the inside, because no matter what anyone says, randomly standing up and shaking your booty isn’t always the answer to everything!

Anyway, I got my sensitive panties all in a bunch today for various reasons.  First, I found myself once again in the minority on schooling choices, wondering if people realized that their condemnation of public schools might offend those who are choosing that route.  Or, perhaps, insult those who have chosen teaching as a profession, and are doing so in a public school.  Then, I chose to feel looked down upon because I let my daughters watch movies where a fictional young girl gets swept off her feet by a fictional prince.   And, to top it all off, it seems that any time I’ve mentioned as a prayer request or in conversation that I’m having laparoscopic surgery, inevitably someone has to tell me about their daughter/sister/neighbor/cousin/friend’s-aunt’s-sister-in-law that went in for the same routine test and ended up having a hysterectomy.

WHAT THE CRAP?!

So, I was reacting to all of this, and Winn told me things I really already knew, but probably still needed to hear.  We all make our decisions for what’s best for our families, and I just need to be confident of mine and in the face of opposition…

Shrug.

::shrug::

I think I’m going to try that.  I wonder what a non-reactionary Vanessa would be like…

“They’re only teaching the test in public schools and kids aren’t getting a well-rounded education.”

::shrug::

“Movies like that promote an unhealthy idea of male-female relationships that will warp our daughters.”

::shrug::

“My cousin’s neighbor’s daughter-in-law went in because they were, like, so sure she just had endometriosis, but when they did the test, they were, like, so concerned that they just took everything out.”

::shrug::

Someone once said, “Opinions are like armpits.  Everyone’s got ‘em, and most of the time, they stink.”  Word.

And really, so as to not upset the most pious of readers, I do know that the only opinion that matters is God’s.  I really do know that. 

But still.  Instead of seething or feeling hurt, insulted or offended…

::shrug::

We are on a break. March 23, 2009

Me and Writing, that is.

There’s a song by Matthew West, Something to Say, and part of the chorus is:

You got something to say
If you’re livin’, if you’re breathin’
You got something to say
And you know if your heart is beatin’
You got something to say

Well, right now I got nothin’ to say.

Maybe it’s the medical drah-ma that isn’t so much drah-ma as it is just mildly irritating at this point.  Maybe it’s the search for a house, that is much less stressful than I anticipated, but not giving me much to write about.  (Well, except for coming across that brush fire and The Husband and The Realtor leaping from the car to help…  Meh.  Not right now.) 

Or maybe it’s because I will have something to say, only later.

I’m in two ladies’ Bible studies, and both are focused on finding purpose.  I’d have to be just a tad bit dense to not think that God was trying to tell me something, you know?

I don’t know if it’ll be my place to tell you what I’ve been told, but for now I don’t know if I can offer more than things like this.

Let me refer you… March 18, 2009

To my favorite American Idol blog.  The Harpoonist.  She cracks me up every time, I like her style.

———-

I know I’ve already mentioned this before, but even if you don’t want to hear it agan, I do.

The Husband and I are house hunting.  I have house hunted before.

This is SO different.

Before, I looked for a house.  Just a house, a place to live. 

Now, we are looking for our future.  Imagining The Girls as teens in 11×11 rooms.  Picturing family gatherings, Sunday school socials.  Wondering which spot in the yard the dog will pick to poop.

This is how it’s supposed to be.

While I still strongly believe that I didn’t have to go through what I did to get to where I am, I do wonder how appreciative I would be of doing this with The Husband if I had nothing to compare it to…

/end shallow ponderings

The Red Bag… Continued! March 16, 2009

Oprah and Tyra both had shows devoted to finding the right bra.  I can’t link to one of Tyra’s shows because she apparently did dozens of them relating to bras.  They talk about wearing the right bra all the time on those makeover shows.

Here’s the rest of the picture for you, taken from this site — and their motto is, “Change Your Bra, Change Your Life” so that has to tell you something!

From what I’ve seen/heard/read, 7 out of 10 women are wearing the wrong size bra.  I guess you could figure that’s not a really big deal,  but don’t we have enough making us uncomfortable?  C’mon now.  At least once a month most women deal with cramps and fatigue, and sometimes bloating.  The rest of the time we’ve probably got some back pain going on from carrying kids, loading and unloading them into cars, picking up toys, making beds, doing laundry, etc., etc., etc.  Even if you don’t have kids, you’re still doing laundry, cleaning, and maybe you’ve got neck and back pain already because I’m sure there’s another statistic that shows us how we’re all inviting carpal tunnel, eyestrain and other issues with how we sit at our computers.

So you want to tell me that you really want to add the different stresses that come with wearing the wrong size bra?

That just doesn’t make sense, especially when it’s pretty simple to remedy the situation.

If you’re the shy type, you can measure yourself at home.  There are tons of guides online to tell you how to find the number around and the cup size.  Here’s one.   Here’s another. 

If you’re not shy and you don’t mind a stranger putting a tape measure around you, head to a department store or lingerie store and get fitted.  It doesn’t take long, and these women (usually) know what they’re doing.  From what I’ve seen on the numerous TV shows focusing on bras and read in articles, most women are shocked at their real size, and the right bra is way more comfortable!  If you’re hesitant to spend a ton of money in a department store or lingerie store, fear not!  Get fitted, and try on some of their bras.  Then head to Target or Kohl’s and check out their selection.  You can usually find similar styles for half the price, and at least you’ll have a head start about which size you want to pick and take to the dressing room!

Now, for you hot mamas out there who maybe have had children, especially those who have nursed children and wonder what happened to those things of beauty you were blessed with, I will give you my own wise (?) words of wisdom.

Do not be afraid of padding.  Either you’re not ready to admit that you need some assistance in the lift department, or you think padding is for members of the Itty Bitty You-Know-What Club.  If you fall into either of those categories, it’s time to get over it!  I fell into the second category.  I’ve been wearing a D cup since I was in college (can you say “late bloomer”?) and I thought padding was for special occassions or those who were moving up from using Kleenex.  Then I had a baby and nursed her, and all of a sudden I was watching Playtex Secrets commercials with great interest.   Maybe you don’t need padding (I’m only narrowing my eyes at you a little), but bras like that offer a little extra support.  Otherwise, do not fear the cookies — that’s another name for the small, removeable pads in some bras… And they don’t have any calories!

YOU WILL LOOK BETTER!!   You can click this link and see Oprah’s Bra Intervention pictures (NSFW), but they don’t really tell the full story.   Having your girls (tatas, boobies, whatever you call them) in the right place makes a huge difference with what you’re wearing!  Also NSFW, these pictures show some before-and-after shots.  The pictures show a woman in her ill-fitting bra and then in the top she was wearing with the bra.  Then below that, you see the new bra they fitted her in, and her with the same top and the right bra.  BIG DIFFERENCE! 

Feel better and look better, all with one article of clothing.   Cross my heart!

Do you know what month it is? March 13, 2009

  IT’S COLORECTAL CANCER AWARENESS MONTH!

Kim, maybe this is why CBS was sponsoring that sweepstakes you talked about.

It’s also probably why New York City hosted the SUPER COLON on February 27th.  I’m not going to link to any more pictures, but you can do a Google Image search of that and see for yourself.  The monstrosity is eight feet tall and twenty feet long, and educational.

Again, I know you might be too young or too hot to think you need to be concerned with your colon, butt but just remember not to let your vanity or your fear of embarrassment get in the way of having anything checked out if you think you have a problem.  Anywhere.

Take care of yourself.  People love you and want you to stick around.

The Red Bag March 13, 2009

You’re walking through the mall.  You see a mom, a dad, and two of the most adorable little girls you may have ever seen in your entire life.  A nice, clean cut family.  All-American.  (Really, mostly of German and Native American descent, but you get the idea.)  The family next door.  As they walk by, everyone all smiles and giggles, you notice that the mom is carrying a bag.  A red bag.  Bearing the name of a store.

What store?

Frederick’s of Hollywood.

What are you thinking? 

Are you thinking it’s inappropriate for a thirty-something mother of two to be shopping at a store like that?  Are you wondering if she brought her children into that store?  Do you care?   Is it any of your business?

Frankly, it’s none of your business.

But, you know, just in case you’re wondering, the thirty-something mother of two probably needs a little extra help keeping her other girls front and center.  That happens.  And sometimes, sometimes, you just have to admit that you get what you pay for, and it’s worth it to spend a couple of extra dollars to not look like this:

Happy Friday!

Why 13? March 11, 2009

I haven’t been keeping up with American Idol as well this year.  I don’t know why, maybe The Bachelor drained all of the reality love from me.  Maybe I can only focus on one reality show at a time.

I don’t like the Number 13.  Why are there 13?  Because the judges wanted to keep one extra person in, is that right?

I knew I wouldn’t be watching all of the show last night, so The Husband went ahead and DVR’d it for me.  (Or is it DVRed?  Or is it just recorded, really?)  I’m going to watch it RIGHT NOW.  Seriously.  I’m going to watch ‘n blog. 

Michael Jackon, huh?   Don’t care who did it first, this is what I will be comparing them to.

Mother of three, Lil Rounds.  She tells us being a mom is a big responsibility.  *gasp*  Oh, sad.  Tornado.  Don’t let go of your dreams, she says.  The way Lil Rounds is making me feel in that outfit is that I’m back in the 80s when Michael Jackson was still a black man.  Randy thinks she made the song new again.  Kara thinks everyone needs to step it up after hearing Lil sing.  So far, the judges are all about Lil Rounds.  Now… Simon.  He thinks it was a lazy song choice (I can see that), and he hates what she’s wearing.

Since I have the joy of the DVR, I will fast forward through all the awkward conversation that takes place.

Scott MacIntyre, the visually impaired young man from Arizona.  His whole family sings.  His sister is also visually impaired.  I don’t know this song.  I think he has a really nice voice, very smooth.  Am I allowed to say that he needs a haircut?  Geez, Kara, chill, he needs to hear the applause.  Paula thinks it was magical.  Simon hated the song.  That’s two hates in a row from him.  Randy thought it was safe.

Did you know you can download these performances on iTunes?

Danny Gokey now.  Liked him when I saw him before.  A friend just IM’d me — Gokey looks like Robert Downey, Jr.  YES!  He does!  His family sings while they learn.  Or learn while they sing?  His glasses matchy-matchy his shirt.  Oh, look at him getting the judges in on the action.  Now the audience.  Good showmanship.  Strange dancing.  Paula thinks if we had our eyes closed, we’d know it was Danny Gokey singing, and she’s about. to. cry.  Simon shushed Paula, was impressed with his vocals — but didn’t like the dancing.  Randy loved it all, dawg.  Kara says he has joy, he’s all about the music.

Michael Sarver, not looking like a roughneck according to his boss man.  “You Are Not Alone” — and the teeny boppers up front are not swaying!  Yay!  Well, wait.  They’re clapping a little.  But not swaying.  I’m a little unsure about this performance.  Choppy?  Simon doesn’t think he’s the best singer in the competition, but thinks he makes up for it with passion and giving it 110%.  Uncharacteristically kind of Simon.  Randy thinks it was really good, Kara thinks this showed he can really sing.  He brings his game.  How are those feathers not tickling Paula’s neck?

Jasmine Murray, 17.   The baby of her close family.   She’s a cutie in some big ol’ high heels.  Wowsa.  Big earrings.  Big ring.  Little dress.  Big voice!  That’s weird, she’s standing on her own face.  That was a simple song, but with those they’re probably able to do more with them.  Check it out, yo, Randy mentioned recording that song with Mariah Carey.  Kara thinks she sold it.  Paula wasn’t sure about the notes going into the chorus.  Simon said it was a good attempt, but it was a little robotic at times.

Did you know you can download these performances on iTunes?

Kris Allan.  Aww, he’s only been married five months!  Tell me, do you remem-bah?  He’s trying to get the audience into it — trying to get the hands in the air.  Hard to do while playing guitar.  Kara thinks the girls love Kris.  She thinks that he should play and sing, likes that he helped the other contestants.  And Simon is trying to undress Paula.  Paula called Kris adorable-sexy.  Good to see her babbling again.  Comforting, really.  DANG!  Kris’ wife just shot daggers at Simon!  Well, he has a point.  The teeny bopper girls might not want to vote for a taken man.  They want a guy they can swoon over and imagine themselves married to.  Am I right?

Allison Iraheta, who is 16, with magenta hair.  And shaky home videos.  Wow, she’s very rocker.  And she looks older than 16.  I can’t tell what she’s saying, but that might be because I don’t know the song.  Wait, she said “yeah.”  Paula is amazed at her age — her mind is boggling.  Simon thinks she’s very good.  Randy thinks she just got it.  Kara wants her to keep being a rocker girl.

Next, Anoop Desai.  Oh, he’s the extra.  What’s with his jacket though?  Anoop was spoiled.  Cultured.  He’s going to sing “Beat It” — a song that… well… Maybe only Michael Jackson should do it.  Unless you’re doing karaoke.  Then it’s okay.  But does it afford the opportunity to showcase vocals in a singing competition?  Paula doesn’t have her script yet!  She thinks he is sharing a gift, but the song is untouchable.  And she said karaoke!  Simon thought it was horrible, ouch!  A bad impersonation, double ouch!  Anoop Dawg made the wrong choice according to Randy.  Kara thinks it didn’t, well… showcase his vocals.  I feel smart, because the judges are saying what I thought.  I’m all impressed with myself.

Jorge Nunez.  He has a loud family.  He thinks his being on American Idol may have brought the family back together.  Why are they using subtitles when his brother is speaking English?  He’s got a Miami Vice jacket thing going on while singing a Jackson 5 song that I am unfamiliar with.  That was like a lounge act or something.  He’s got a big ol’ smile.  Randy and Kara are giving a sort of “eh” review.   Paula’s asking questions.  Simon’s not impressed.

Megan Joy Corkrey is saying hi, with a very big tattoo.  Wow.  Happy Birthday, brother.  Her mom looks like she could be her sister.  She’s divorced.  Megan misses her son.  More Jackson 5, “Rockin’ Robin”… Really.  Does this fit?  Is she singing too low?  Is she singing “Rockin’ Robin”?!  She looks kind of uncomfortable.  Did she do a bird call?  A bird call?  Kara wants to see more range.  Paula thinks she has a unique tone, wants America to know she can sing.  Simon said it was a STUPID song choice.  Stew-pid.  And you know what, this is the first time I remember seeing her, and it did confuse me.  They asked a question of the guy from Hell’s Kitchen, because he’ll know what he’s talking about.

Adam Lambert, who has been trying to break into Hollywood.  He’s struggling.  Black hair.  Black necklace.  Black nail polish.  Singing “Black and White.”  I remember this video.  Is he going to morph into something?  That’d be pretty cool.  His voice isn’t really… Going with his look.  Until he screamsings.  Can that be my new word?  Screamsing.  It’s mine.  I always thought MJ was singing, “It’s black.  It’s white.  It’s Ovaltine.”  But maybe not.  Paula is transfixed on him.  He’s got the whole package.  I think her meds are kicking in.  Or running out.  Simon puts him in a totally different league.  Randy adds how current he’s always been, thinks he could go straight to the top.  And Kara is a fan.  Paula is again mind-boggled. 

Matt Giraud.  These people are all so family-oriented.  Nobody’s a loner here.  Lots of crying folks.  Matt plays the piano.  Not bad.  Lots o’ falsetto.  Randy and Kara keep it simple — like him.  Paula: talented, sexy, amazing.  Simon thought it was good.  They must be running very short on time.

Alexis Grace after the break.  She sings the blues, her dad has always been into music.  Leaving us with “Dirty Diana”.  In her little teeny tiny dress (or are those shorts?) and her little teeny tiny frame, she’s pretty dang good.  Little jerky with her movements, seemed to lose a little teeny tiny bit there after a bit.  Simon thought a little over-the-top.  Wow, what a challenge with the different phone number.  If she doesn’t make it, it’ll be because of the phone number.

So who’s going home tonight?  Maybe Jorge can say goodbye and Anoop will beat it.

By the way, did you know you can download these performances on iTunes?

And now for a very special epsiode… March 9, 2009

…of Dancing With The Stars.

I like watching DWTS, but this year I wasn’t very interested in the contestants.  That is, of course, until I heard that Jilted Melissa From The Bachelor (that’s her full name now) was going to be taking the place of one of the recently injured contestants.  I knew I’d be tuning in again.

In the past, I have watched this show with the girls.  I credit Ian Ziering for teaching my oldest girl how to shimmy. 

Tonight, though, I was kind of glad that Big Sister was with The Husband at his softball games, and Li’l Bit is still little enough that she doesn’t understand what she’s seeing.   

Am I mistaken, or didn’t Bruno catch heat for saying that one contestant’s dancing was “crap” one season?  Because this is a family show?

Obviously, times have changed.

In just a matter of a couple of seasons, we’ve gone from fussing over the word “crap” to giving shout outs to buds in the federal detention center.  Overusing the “jackass” joke for the celebrity who is using dancing as part of his rehabilitation, and having to blur out his tattoos.  Having a Playboy cover model dancing. 

Interestingly enough, the Girl Next Door was showing a LOT less skin than the professional female dancers.  I’ve concluded that they do that in order to distract from what their partners lack in actual skill.

Do you remember back in the day, when television shows would have  a disclaimer before sensitive episodes?  Like on The Facts of Life, when Natalie was going to have sex with her boyfriend, Snake, there was a parental advisory first – and the characters just talked about the fact that she’d had sex!  You never even saw her boyfriend!  Even Doogie Howser, M.D. gave us some fair warning because Doogie and Wanda might have been doing it. 

These days, shows like Gossip Girl on CW promote themselves with ads that declare how trashy they are.   Online ads shouted “Every Parent’s Nightmare” and “Mind-Blowingly Inappropriate”.

Now a self-proclaimed family show has me holding my breath because I’m just waiting for Edyta or Karina to just twist right out of whatever barely-there outfit they’re wearing, or for Cheryl’s to just drop the half centimeter needed to showcase her backside.

I’m a big girl and I can handle what’s on TV, but it still surprises me.  And it makes me wonder what the heck will be considered family viewing when both the girls are watching with us during primetime!

I love you, Kim March 6, 2009

Kim, you are my hero.   And if there’s anyone out there who was wondering when I would blog again in a kind of for real way, you are their hero too. 

*crickets chirping*

Okay, Kim, you are MY hero.

So you know that saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?”  Yes, that is a good rule of thumb to live by, but it makes for a quiet blog sometimes.  Especially when you go to the doctor, arrive 30 minutes EARLY, and then still wait 30 minutes AFTER your appointment time to be seen.

Hold on.  I’m taking a deep breath.  I’m counting to ten…

Better now.

Anyway, Kim tagged me.  Right here.  Kearsie has done this too. 

I am now going to show you my purse, then dump it out to talk about the contents.  Fo’ real.  Those of us who have done this are going against the grain, baby!  Showing the contents of our purses, a sacred treasure box holding the very essence of our souls!  (What?  Too much?)

First, let me show you why this is going to be the least interesting purse dump post in the history of purse dump posts:

Those are my purses.  I change them out often, so my purse gets cleared out fairly regularly.  So, Kim, my purse is always kind of clean.  I know, I know.  It’s as boring as my snacking on reduced fat Oreos and skim milk.

Anyway, see that fabulous red bag in the back on the right?  It was given to me by an even more fabulous friend.  That’s the one I used today.  Its contents:

What do we have here, huh?  Let’s go ahead and get this out of the way – yes, there is a feminine product right up there on the upper left.  We all know they’re in there from time to time, nothing to be embarrassed about!  The little tan snappy thing holds business cards, library cards, etc.  (Did you just yawn?  How rude!)  Then my brush, some hand lotion, and saline.  My red wallet and my cell phone are there.  My calendar, a mechanical pencil and a pen.  I went prepared to the doctor’s office, bringing Pathway to Purpose for Women along with me.  And if the feminine product wasn’t enough for you, the doctor just so happened to give me some literature on pelvic pain and laparoscopy after my visit.  Score!

I missed something?  Oh, the little football-shaped thing in the upper right?  That’s my makeup bag.  Want me to dump it too?

Concealer.  Eyeliner.  Eye drops.  Pressed powder.  My girls’ hair clips.  Lip gloss.  Chapstick.  Four tubes of lipstick.

Who needs four tubes of lipstick, you ask?  The woman who actually owns this many:

That’s from my case of lipstick.   There’s at least $200 worth of lipstick there, because a lot of it is Estee Lauder thanks to my mom’s use of their products and their free gift with purchase and my mom not using the colors they freely give her. 

What can you tell about me from my purse dump? 

I’d like to see a couple people do this myself.  The Funny Sister — for the love of all things holy, just blog!!  And Mommy’s Heart.  I wonder how many coupons you’ll have…