99 January 28, 2009

This is my 99th post.  I thought I might do something different for my 100th, so…

What do YOU think I should write about for my 100th post? 

C’mon.  Be daring.  Comment.  If I get enough comments, I’ll use a random number generator to pick a topic.  THAT, my friends, is daring.  Plus, it will give me practice for <insert drum roll here> my first giveaways!  (And yes, that is giveaways, plural!)

I do reserve the right to delete comments that I deem inappropriate.  Or gross.  Don’t be gross.

I’m taking a deep breath, because this could be interesting.  Or, I could have one really lonely comment.  Please comment, don’t let the cheese stand alone.  No, not just plain please.  PRETTY please.  With a cherry on top.  Please let me use a random number generator.  I’m very excited about that.  … It’s kind of sad, really.

Ready…

     Set…

         GO!

I Think I Was Nikki January 27, 2009

I’d love to think that I was Melissa.  Or maybe Molly.   They are impossibly cute, fun-loving and can be a little emotional without being overwhelming.

Alas, when I was single, I was probably Nikki.  (Oh my gosh, she is even listed as an administrative assistant!)

Not in every way.  I definitely had more than one boyfriend by the time I was 29.  (But, no, I did not date all the men in my hometown, as some like to say.)  I wasn’t ever as guarded as she appeared to be.  I would’ve probably blurted out too much too soon.

Kinda like Shannon, but I wouldn’t have been blurting out the facts I knew about Jason.  Holy carp.  (Not a typo, I may start doing that all the time.  It makes me laugh.)  She came off like a totally obsessed fan from the start.  I’m all about doing your research, but really, you’re supposed to take what you know and apply it more naturally.  Like, you find out he’s got a new niece or nephew?  You ask, “So does Ty have any little cousins to play with yet?”  And then Jason is all, “Yeah!  He does, he loves playing with them!”  And then you turn your head, listen intently and smile.  Nod some.  The idea is to use what you know to get him talking about what he likes.  Then you don’t have to pretend to know what you’re talking about all the time (sports, computers, cars, etc.), you just guide the conversation to something you know he’s into.  Hopefully Shannon the Dental Hygienist and her blinding smile will have learned something from this experience.  You do not take everything you’ve learned and dump it on him in the first five minutes you have alone with him.

ANYWAY.  Nikki.  Oh, so very serious.  And oh, so very interested in being married.  Having babies.

That.  That’s the part that was me.  It wasn’t about the who, it was about the what.   Wanting to be a wife, a mother, wanting to just be married. 

Ugh, it makes me sick to think about it. 

Nikki is very attractive, seems to be very intelligent, she probably has a lot of things going for her.  But as long as she’s focusing on just finding a husband, any husband, and settling down, she’s going to miss a lot along the way.  Or she’ll end up settling.  I know a thing or two about settling.

Is it just me or was tonight’s episode more painful than usual to watch?  The drah-ma at the “after party”?  The tension on the date with Stephanie and Nikki?

The Rose Ceremony was probably the best I’ve ever seen, though.  Get rid of Naomi and we’ve got ourselves a real competition!

Get your flirt on… January 21, 2009

With your husband.  Seriously.

I was watching The Bachelor last night (I *heart* DVR), and Bachelorette Stephanie got a chance to talk to Bachelor Jason outside before The Rose Ceremony.  Their one-on-one date was basically a playdate because he (or, the show) brought her daughter to meet them.  It was the daughter’s 4th birthday so they went and played at Legoland.  I don’t remember if the adults even were able to manage a chaste peck on the cheek since the daughter was present, so when Stephanie talked to Jason outside she took the opportunity to show him that she was much more than mommy.  While I’m sure this made viewers and critics uncomfortable, I was thinking, “Dang!  Not bad!”  Because while she was kissing his face, she was kind of breathing into his ear her thanks for the day, etc.  And then she got herself a real kiss.

And she did all that even though she’d already received a rose on their one-on-one (plus one more, since her daughter was there) date.

Then I opened up The Love Dare to do my reading for the day.  Love takes delight.  The devotion talked about how newlyweds take delight in one another.  Obviously, I know that fades over time when you’re married.  I know that.  Been there, done that.  But it doesn’t have to totally be thrown out the window, does it? 

Bachelorette Stephanie, having already received a rose, meaning she would live to see another Rose Ceremony, made an effort.  Even though I have earned my rose, gotten my rings, etc., I need to make an effort.  To take delight in this man that I married. 

Did you flirt with your husband before he was your husband?  I was actually kind of rendered flirtless by The Husband, to be honest.  Which was weird, because one of my previous dates had declared me a “natural born flirt.”  But still, I remembered some of my “moves.”  They were quite simple, really.  Listen when he talks.  Make eye contact.  Laugh when he’s funny — sometimes when he’s just trying to be.  Make physical contact during conversations — touch his hand, his arm, etc.

How often do I do those things now that I’ve earned my rose?  Do I busy myself when he’s telling me about his day, how his team is doing, about something he read or saw on TV?  Do I even look up when he talks to me?  Do I roll my eyes when he makes a joke?  Do I touch him in a loving, caring way (uhm, outside of the bedroom)?

I want to be the one, the only one, making The Husband feel like he’s someone worth listening to, worth watching.  Worth making an effort for.

I want to flirt with The Husband.  Why does that have to stop?  Not tease, mind you.  (I’ve been told, by The Husband using a reference from Everybody Loves Raymond, that you don’t start the launch sequence if there isn’t going to be liftoff.)  But what’s wrong with a little flirting??  I’m going to do it.  So if you know me in real life, you’ve been warned.  I plan on flirting with my husband and generally taking delight in him, and that includes outside of the home.  Or at least trying to.  But if it works, well… I hope to not make you uncomfortable.

I have to go now.  I’m still struggling with the fact that I kind of learned a lesson from something on The Bachelor.

I’m Scrappy! January 20, 2009

I like being awarded things, it makes me feel ever so special!  And I actually like these conditional awards because they give me something to write about!  Although this one could be tricky, because how much more honest could I possibly be?  (Oooooh, so scary!)

I got this award from Kearsie (Sounds Like Tomatoes) as well as Kim (A Parent’s Life To Behold Through the Eyes of Insanity and Bliss), and here are the things for me to do in order to post this presitigious award on my blog:

A) First list 10 honest things about yourself – and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep!

B) Pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

(Before I begin, though… Am I supposed to be reading that as honest crap?)

So, some honest crap about myself…

1. I honestly feel that conservatives showed more class at the end of Election Day than a lot of liberals I read are showing on Bush’s last day.  I respect that this nation wanted President Obama, and that is what they got.  But I have news for you all — his poop?  It really does stink.  He’s going to make mistakes, whether or not you hear about them in mainstream media.  Just sayin’.  And, honestly?  Do these people think they would’ve done a better job?  Psh.  Then start campaigning.  Until then, show a little more respect.
2. There’s a small place inside me that gets jealous when people get what I want, especially when I feel like I earned it or something… But then I think, people must feel the same when they look at The Husband.  They all want him.  But, like the people who look at The Husband, I realize that if I don’t have it, it wasn’t meant to be, and I am able to be happy that they’re happy. 
3. It took me around 30 years to get to the point of really rejoicing when others recjoice.  (Romans 12:15.)
4. When I look in the mirror, a lot of times I still see this.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty sure I don’t actually look like that now, but sometimes I think it’s a good thing to remember that “cute” wasn’t in the list of descriptive words used to describe me for quite a while.  (And please, don’t look at that picture and tell me that I was cute.  Go back in time to when you were in elementary school and be honest with yourself.  Unless you and I would’ve been friends because we both had crazy hair, big glasses and an awkward wardrobe, it’s highly likely you would’ve picked on me at least a little.)
5. My main struggle in life: personality conflicts.  This is something I have really, really, really been working on.  I tend to obsess.  But I’m building bridges and getting over them, because I have way too many fabulous friendships to keep my mind occupied with relationships that could be unhealthy.
6. I want to go back to college.
7. I would love to be published.  Love, love, love.  I would love to write for a living.  Love.
8. If I couldn’t be published for creative writing or an article or something, I think being an advice columnist would be fun.  And hilarious.  But mostly fun.
9. I am really, really proud of myself for having my girls without using an epidural.  KEEP READING.  It is not because I’m a big proponent of natural childbirth.  It is because I DID IT.  Little ol’ me.  (I wasn’t so little when I did it, but whatev.)  I spent too much time with people that tried to belittle me and break me.  It was really empowering to do something like that, and it royally ticks me off when people look at me like I have two heads when it is mentioned.  I am not saying I’m stronger than women who used an epidural, but I AM saying I’m stronger than I thought I was. 
10. When I talk about protecting my marriage and guarding it with all the intensity and fierceness possible, it is because I know I am human.  I am not beyond falling.  I am not just protecting The Husband from the world, I have to protect myself from it as well. 

Now, for 7 bloggers who I feel embody the spirit of this award.  Or maybe just 7 people that I want to know some honest crap about?

1. The Funny Sister.  I miss her blogs.  I miss her too, but I’ll take a blog for now.
2. WendiWinn {she likes stuff}.  She won’t do it though.  But she still embodies the spirit and all that.
3. Mommy’s Heart.  She’s always honest.  And trustworthy.  And loyal.  She’s pretty much awesome.
4. I’m Just Sayin’.  IT’S BEEN TWO MONTHS!!!
5. I’m not going to link to it, but Kay-Kay, I’d like to see what you would have to say.
6. Sounds Like Tomatoes’ Honest Scrap post is here.
7. A Parent’s Life To Behold’s is here.

(No, it’s not cheating.  I would’ve tagged them because they embody the spirit!  It’s all about the spirit!  Honest crap!)

A Cool Way to Send Some Warm Fuzzies January 18, 2009

This is not a post related to the current weather conditions.  Because even if I wanted to write about it, I know I have very little to complain about since I’m in Florida and many of you would just narrow your eyes at me and snarl if I tried.

Anyway…

A while ago, I mentioned “warm fuzzies“.  For those that haven’t been reading my blog since July or won’t take the time to click on the link to check out the details (because I can tell), “warm fuzzies” was an activity our youth group did together.  Everyone was given a few of those small craft pom-poms.  One by one, each person would go sit in a chair in front of the group, and then a few people would come up, hand them a “warm fuzzy” and then tell the person what they liked or loved about them.  The end result was a group of sniffling 13-18 year olds and pretty much everyone leaving the room feeling a little better than when they walked in.

Everyone has someone that means something special to them, right?  If that special someone of yours likes earrings, I am directing you to a very creative giveaway that will enable you to tell them so, to warm their hearts during this chilly season.  The giveaway is here (click. the. link.), and the idea is if you win, those precious handmade earrings will be sent directly to the person you want with a note telling them why they’re special enough to receive them!  Isn’t that sweet?  I think so!

So, go.  Click.  Comment.  Easy peasy!

I am in the process of working on another post that will fulfill the obligations of an award I received.  Check out this post or this one to see what you have to look forward to!  Or what you have to fear…

Win a Copy of Fireproof January 16, 2009

Check out Because I Said So Reviews for the chance to win a copy of Fireproof – again, just comment and win! 

Just click HERE!

Yay for TV! January 15, 2009

I know I’ve already mentioned that I like fluff.  I love reading fluff, I love watching fluff.  Books and TV that don’t require a lot of mind power.  They were made for me.  So I’m going to keep watching The Bachelor and wondering if I should keep a count on how many times Jason is shown without his shirt on, taking his shirt off, or is INTERVIEWED without his shirt.  C’mon.  I think even Single Vanessa, while appreciating the aesthetic value, would’ve thought it was a bit of overkill.  And a slow motion scene with him taking his shirt off by the pool with all the Bachelorettes looking on, puddles of drool forming beneath them?  Puh-lease.  You’ve got to be kidding me.

And someone help me out here… Am I the only one who thinks Erica and Megan may have been a better fit for the Rock of Love series than The Bachelor? 

I will also be watching American Idol.  I didn’t get to watch all of the auditions Tuesday night, but I managed to be subjected to Bikini Girl, who, I’m sorry, only got in because of the bikini.  I agree wholeheartedly with the new judge, as she mentioned that Bikini Girl wasn’t going to go far without that kind of wardrobe.  She. Could. Not. Sing.

I love me some fluff.  Bring it on!

I’m A Witch-With-A-B January 12, 2009

Let’s start with a little analogy.  You’re driving along and you notice something just isn’t right with your car.  Maybe there’s a strange noise.  Maybe you notice it’s not shifting right, or you have to really press on the gas to get the thing moving.  What do you do?  Shrug your shoulders and wait it out?  Keep driving until the car goes ka-put on you and you’re stranded along the interstate with smoke pouring out of the hood and some guy that AAA sent is hooking your vehicle up to a tow truck?  Or do you take your car to someone who knows cars, who can help fix it up and get you back on the road again?

I’m an Option B kind of person.  So let’s say my marriage is a car, and I heard a ping.  I felt like something just wasn’t right.  I decided to get some help.

I started The Love Dare.

I started this a week ago.  It was DAY TWO when The Husband started asking, “What is going on?”  “Did you make a resolution and start a week late?”  “Do you want something?”

DAY TWO.

Have you ever had humble pie?  ‘Tis bittersweet.

Days 1 through 4 were tough enough on me.  Then I hit Day 5.  “Love is not rude.”  Have you read Proverbs 25:24 lately?  No?  Let me share it with you:

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

That was me.  I was quarrelsome.  I was irritable.  It is a wonder that The Husband hadn’t taken up residence on our roof yet. 

One of the guiding principles the book gives when it comes to practicing etiquette in your marriage is this: No double standards.  Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers.  Oi.  From the time I was 19 until I was about 27 or so, my main job was always receptionist or an administrative assistant.  It didn’t matter how a client of one of my bosses treated me.  It didn’t matter what kind of day I’d had.  My job was to be pleasant to these people.  And I was darn good at it. 

Why, OH WHY, is it so gosh darn difficult to treat my husband, the man I love more than any other person in this entire world, with that kind of respect?  How is it that I can be snapping at him for not taking out the garbage, yet the phone rings and I can answer with a syrupy sweet greeting and all the kindness I possess for whoever is on the other end?

As I continue with this dare and I pay attention to how I speak to The Husband and how I think before speaking at all (NOVEL IDEA!!), I wonder how long I have been like this.  We’ve been married just six years, but even one day is hard enough if you’re around an irritable, disagreeable person.  (I know, I have a toddler and a preschooler.)

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not nominating myself for Worst Wife in the World or anything.  I do know The Husband loves me and there are many things about me that he appreciates.  We’re each other’s best friend, we know how to have a good time, and we make a good team.  But it never hurts to try to make some improvements, right?  I mean, I know I could sit and say, “Well, this is just who I am.”  Why would I want to stay the same when there’s the potential to effect positive change? 

Especially when it only took TWO DAYS for him to notice a (his word) DRASTIC change.

Last night when we were getting ready to go to bed, I came in to give The Husband a hug.  He put his arms around me, and as we parted, he playfully took a hold of my ponytail and we were nose-to-nose.

HIM:  You’re doing The Love Dare, aren’t you?

ME:  *sigh*  I didn’t want to tell you.  I also didn’t think you’d notice so quickly.

HIM:  When did you start it?

ME:  (whining)  Last Monday!  You started asking questions on the second day!  I’m a horrible beast of a woman!

He laughed and assured me otherwise, then he pointed out all the things he’d been noticing and he was so genuinely happy.  It made me so genuinely happy. 

I also know there are things The Husband can do to improve — no, he is not perfect — and I know there are things he is working on.  But I’m the only one who can change ME.  Well, me and God.  Because I sure as heck can’t do this on my own.

Our Yorkie is a female dog.  Here’s to there only being one of them in the house from now on!

No SASE Required! January 9, 2009

Do you remember when you were younger and there would be an offer for something free, cool and exciting on your cereal box?  Only in order to get it, you had to buy like 8 boxes of the cereal and send in $5.95 for shipping and handling, as well as a self-addressed stamped envelope for the company to send your free, cool and exciting thing back to you?

Gone are those days, my friends.  Well, not really.  They still do that.  But the internet has provided a much, much simpler way to get free, cool and exciting things.  Click and comment.  How easy is that?!

I shall share with you two examples.  And believe me, this is not easy for me to do.  Because by telling you, I’m decreasing my chance of winning.  Wait, except in one giveaway, where I think by mentioning it here, I’m increasing it… Anyway:

A Parent’s Life to Behold, Through the Eyes of Insanity and Bliss.  Do you like jewelry?  Do you like Scrabble?  Do you wonder how the two of those could possibly go together?  Then check out Kim’s giveaway here, and check out her friend’s Etsy site, Avalee.  Personally, I love jewelry and I love Scrabble.  Scrabble holds a special place in my heart because The Husband and I used to play it a lot.  I think the first time I won was when I told him I’d marry him during a game.  Which resulted in jewelry!  See the connection?

To me, this is a very cool giveaway, because it’s being offered by Winn in honor of Kearsie.  The giveaway even comes with fine print!  How thorough!

All you have to do to enter these giveaways is click on a couple of sites and comment on them!  That’s it!  Do not send in $5.95 for shipping and handling, do not send a self-addressed stamped envelope, and you don’t even have to buy one box of cereal!  Unless you want to, in which case I’m not stopping you!  But the cereal will not increase your chances of winning the giveaways.  Sorry.

So, go.  Click.  Comment.  Maybe win!

Isn’t the internet grand?

Parlez-vous le maris? January 8, 2009

We have lived in this apartment for two and a half years.  In that time, we have had three neighbors directly next to us.  When we moved in, there were two or three Asian students living in the apartment.  After they left, a French couple took over.  The husband was transferred before their full year was up, and soon some Arabic students were moving their things in. 

I am aware that my neighbors probably had a pretty firm grasp of the English language, but it seemed to me that they were comfortable acting otherwise.  I was comfortable with it as well.  I was able to get away with just quick hellos on my way up or down the stairs, I didn’t have to stand and chat for long periods of time.  That’s why I don’t take the dog out for walks, because other people with dogs want to stand and chat.  I still don’t talk to strangers.

But still, if my neighbors had wanted to strike up a conversation with me, they probably could have, and I would’ve known them a little better.   I took French in high school, I suppose I could’ve made a very, very weak attempt at communicating with the second set of neighbors, just to show I wasn’t a total snob.  (Which I can be.)

The Husband speaks a different language.  Men speak a different language than women in general.  Dr. Emerson E. Eggerichs and his wife, Sarah, speak about this at length in their Love and Respect book and conferences. 

Last night someone was referencing this topic, and she said, “If Vanessa speaks German and I speak English, we aren’t going to be able to communicate.  But if Vanessa learns English or I learn German, the doors are opened.”  Sure, it’d work better if both sides were striving to make it work, but the ball can get rolling if just one side makes an effort.

If there is a failure to communicate within my marriage — and yeah, it happens — should I be sitting around waiting for The Husband to learn to speak Wife/Woman?  Should I just sit there and grumble about The Husband not understanding me?

Or… Should I try to learn Husband/Man?

I choose to try to learn and understand his language.  And who better to help me with that then The One who made him, right?