The Others May 31, 2008

Whether you take it out of the Bible or you simply think it’s a fine way to live, most people agree that abiding by The Golden Rule is a good thing. 

Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Luke 6:31

But wait, there’s more.

Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.
1 Corinthians 10:24

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for
building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 
Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:3-4

So, who are these others?   It’s not very specific.  I feel a great deal of responsibility to them after reading these verses.  Whoever they are, I need to treat them how I want to be treated, I should only say uplifting things that benefit them, and I’m supposed to consider them better than myself and look to their interests.

THE PRESSURE!!

With no explicit directions as to who exactly falls into this category, I suppose I should just err on the side of caution and treat everyone as others.

That would include the homeless man riding his bike, stopping as I pump gas to ask for spare change.  The mother dropping off a child with matted, sticky hair and dirt smudged over his face.  The courageous firefighters who spent several days battling blazes to prevent homes from being lost.   … Wait, what?

As odd as it sounds, they all fall into the same category. 

Friends… Enemies… Frenemies… They’re all others. 

The Golden Rule is not a conditional statement.  “If an Other does something particularly thoughtful, then return his or her kindness.”  Nope.  Doesn’t matter who they are or what they’ve done, they’re an other.  Better than me, worthy of me considering their interests before my own.  Needing to hear uplifting things, needing to be encouraged.  Just like me.

That means I’m someone’s other.  Hmm… How often do my actions make someone want to break The Rule?

Look Again May 29, 2008

There was this guy once, I met him at an indoor rock climbing gym.  The first thing I noticed about him was his gorgeous blue eyes.  When I realized I was staring at him, I quickly looked away.  Then it occurred to me that he’d been looking at me too!  My heart beat a little faster.  We didn’t get to talk much that night, but two Sundays later there he was at my church!  Then the next night, there he was again at a game night!  I must’ve run to the bathroom at least half a dozen times to check the mirror and figure out if I should leave my hair up or take it down.  I remember being so frustrated with myself, acting like a 16-year-old with a crush rather than a 26-year-old woman with a crush.  (To this day I don’t see much of a difference in how they behave though.)

That Tuesday night, he asked me out.  We saw each other at different events on Wednesday and Thursday, and Friday afternoon was The Date.  After we saw a movie together, we talked for hours.  Twenty-four days later, he proposed.  Four months after that, we were married.

Five and a half years later, that man is still there.  Those blue eyes can still do a number on me.  I still get butterflies when he puts his arm around me.  I still get dizzy when he kisses me.

However, there are days when I wonder where that guy I met at the rock climbing gym went.  When the only channel the remote finds is ESPN.  When I realize that he actually likes sci-fi a little more than I expected.  During baseball season.  And football season.

I wonder, though, if he sees this 32-year-old woman and is looking for that girl he met, or even the one he first married… When he comes home and finds me wearing a t-shirt and slightly unflattering stretchy shorts, my glasses on and my hair piled on top of my head in a sloppy bun.  When I roll my eyes at him instead of laughing when he’s trying to lighten the mood.  When I shrug him away if he gives me a pat on the backside rather than giggling.  Grumbling “Not now,” instead of flirtatiously whispering, “Later…”

Uh-oh.  Maybe I’ve changed too?  “He should love me as I am!” I can protest.  But do I give him that same opportunity?  Or am I constantly trying to change him back to the man he was, instead of loving the man he’s become?  Especially when it’s very likely that the same qualities I came to love about him are still just as present.

So You Married An Idiot May 28, 2008

What do you hear more often?

“My husband is such an idiot, yesterday he…”

or

“My husband is amazing, yesterday he…”

What do you say more often? 

Do we ever stop to think about how that reflects on us?  After all, we’re the geniuses that married these idiots.  Committed to them for life.  Us and the idiots, forever.  It’s not like we need to tell people our husbands aren’t perfect, they can probably figure that out on their own considering nobody’s perfect.

I try to brag on my husband.  It’s kind of easy.  He is the best daddy in the world.  He’s a hard worker.  He’s hilarious, he can always make me laugh — even when I don’t want to be laughing.  He’s also hot and an excellent lovah.  (You knew I was going to go there, don’t act all shocked.)

I have a couple of t-shirts from From*me Tees.  I love ‘em.  I want more!  When I was on their site one time, I noticed some links on their About Us page.  One was specifically for wives, so I followed it and found myself here.  It’s a 30-day challenge for wives — for 30 days you don’t say anything negative to or about your husband.  But that’s not all.  You’re also supposed to say something you admire and respect about your husband to others and to your husband. 

I did that challenge.  I used the guide they offer for my devotion time.  It was pretty easy for me to speak well about my husband to others.  It was slightly more difficult for me to refrain from saying anything negative, but I know how hard I worked and I think I did a decent job.

Do you know what the hardest part was?  Saying uplifting things to my husband.  It’s so easy to tell my friends how great he is, but when it came to telling him face-to-face I fell short.  I am pretty sure part of that was pride — I didn’t want him to get too high and mighty, right?   But he needs that affirmation.  And even if he doesn’t need it, I bet he wouldn’t hate hearing it!  Once in a while at work he’ll get an e-mail forwarded to him.  A higher up in the company bragging on him, and someone passes it along for him to read.  It’s a good feeling!  Shouldn’t I, as his wife, be able to give him that kind of feeling too?  And do better at it?  I think so.

Even if a husband seems to have more negative traits than positive, focusing on those pros can serve you well.  Now don’t get me wrong, I know some husbands are creeps.  Some wives are creeps too.  But if you’re married and you’re planning on staying that way, wouldn’t you rather be with someone you’re quicker to promote than put down?  Try it.  Brag on the man.  Pick at least one thing you like about him and tell him about it.  Swell his pride.  I challenge you to the challenge. 

My favorite subject May 27, 2008

“My husband’s lucky if we have sex once a month.”

I must have missed the memo where there was a prize for abstaining from your husband. Not that I would win. Not that I would even compete.

First and foremost, I like sex with my husband.  I like it a lot.  It’s pretty amazing, actually.

Secondly… Well, when it comes to the Bible I tend to take things at face value.  There are limitless resources to help us better understand God’s Word, though, and as far as I’ve been taught and studied, the following verses are pretty clear cut.  Take a look at 1 Corinthians 7.3-6 (emphasis mine):

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.  The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.  In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.  Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  I say this as a concession, not as a command.

When we got married, two became one.  My body is not my own.  And now more than ever, Satan is tempting my husband left and right.  I am not completely naive, I know my husband is going to be tempted to look, to lust.  I’d rather be there for him and give him more to look forward to from me at home than anywhere else.

Outside of Biblical principles, the most compelling argument for not refusing my husband came out of Sheet Music, a book by Dr. Kevin Leman.  Read this carefully — again, emphasis mine: 

If you wanted your husband to converse more and he simply said, “Sorry, talk just doesn’t interest me as much as it interests you,” you’d be hurt, wouldn’t you?  In fact, some of you probably have husbands who have said something very similar.  Or if your husband was habitually lazy, refusing to help, saying that working around the house held little interest for him, you’d soon grow weary of his disinterest and want him to change, wouldn’t you?

When you tell your husband you just don’t have any interest in sex, you’re doing the same thing.  In fact, what you’re doing is worse.  You can always call up a girlfriend to talk or hire a handyman to work around the house, but your husband has no place else to go to express sexual intimacy.

That sealed the deal for me, because it is so true.  Sex is sometimes (often times) the only thing we can offer our husbands that no one else can.  I think too many women hold that over their husbands’ heads though, dangling the opportunity to go to bed with them as a reward for good behavior and revoking it for the slightest infraction. 

Do our husbands do that to us?  “If you don’t have sex with me, I’m not going to go to work and provide for us!”  Not so much.

Sex is not a reward and denying it shouldn’t be used as punishment.  It’s meant to be enjoyed.  Yes, meant to be enjoyed.  More on that later.

Why? May 27, 2008

Because there’s more to me than two adorable little girls. There’s more to me than diaper changes. I’m more than bottles and sippy cups. More than cribs and high chairs.

I’m a Christian, a woman, a daughter, a sister, a friend.

I am a wife. A role I treasure, and a role I am always trying to improve upon.

And now, a role I am blogging about. That, and the other roles that make up my life. But mostly, being a wife and what comes with that. Consider yourself warned.